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I am a Communication Artist

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Again

I read that a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

The thought of falling in love with you again leaves me breathless,

But not without the foresight to know that I will fall in love with you

Again, when I see you walk down a wedding aisle toward our commitment,

Again, as we become our children,

Again, each time we stand united against tides,

Again, when you are kind to me,

Again, when I surprise you,

Again, when we do for each other all that we cannot do alone,

Again, as I look through time back to this moment 

When you said 

Yes, I will complete this journey with you only.

Trumped by a Narcissist...not!

Congratulations, America, you're in a long-term relationship with a narcissist. Given that you’re smart and strong enough to attract a narcissist, you’ve got what it takes to recover. Keep reading.  

First, congratulate yourself on being endowed with sufficient intelligence, self-sufficiency, success, ability, beauty and empathy to attract the attention and cross-hairs of a narcissist. Unlike the narcissist, you really are great and your narcissist needs your outlier capabilities to a) fill his empty psyche with the positive and negative attention he needs to feel alive, and to b) never consider for a moment that what you see is actually a carefully constructed network of lies that over the course of a lifetime has become an impenetrable facade and perfect mimic of the integrity you think you see.

You’re not wrong to love him. God knows, he needs real love to become a real boy. He’s been shielding himself from love ever since the trauma occurred--the one that sparked his need to cloak himself from everything in order to shield himself from harm.  

Here's the kicker, America: He needs your tough love even more than your adoration. A trauma greater than the original is likely the only thing able to create a crack in the armor and inverse integrity he has built so long and so well. Even then it may and may not ever happen.

Know that until that happens, you can’t hear him and he can’t hear you. His forced bravado, laugh, and volume together form one of many outer barriers. Until and unless he finds his real voice, be careful on approach.

Next, congratulate yourself on having sufficient survival instinct to read this far. It’s a sign that you accept--just a sliver--that you have been duped.

Stop. Do not start to berate yourself, you’re going to need that energy for your recovery. And perhaps some other relationship experience caused you to unwittingly cloak yourself in the most powerful narcissist-attracting pheromone--vulnerability.

Remember, you’ve got what it takes to recover. First, together, we need to get to a point and place where recovery from a President with NPD is possible.

But how do we invoke "No contact" with a US President? If you cross a narcissist (which can be done by stating a fact) you are likely to invoke narcissistic rage. I've seen it, and I don't think all of the other domestic and world leaders are prepared to deal with it. Who is?

Keep calm and Keep reading.  

Narcissists market themselves brilliantly: “They may present with a swagger, intense eye contact, false bravado/charm, knock-your-socks-off seduction.., swift pacing of rushing the relationship into commitment/cohabitation/marriage/business partnership, promising a future together (which is later discovered to be a lie), intense sexual chemistry, love-bombing (repetitive texting, emailing, phone calls), or romancing the target excessively (flowers, etc).”

Sam Vankin, Ph.D, also offers a few of the things the narcissist finds devastating, originally written for divorce lawyers dealing with a narcissistic personality type on the stand:

• Any statement or fact, which seems to contradict his inflated perception of his grandiose self.
• Any criticism, disagreement, exposure of fake achievements, belittling of “talents and skills” which the narcissist fantasizes that he possesses.
• Any hint that he is subordinated, subjugated, controlled, owned or dependent upon a third party.
• Any description of the narcissist as average and common, indistinguishable from many others.
• Any hint that the narcissist is weak, needy, dependent, deficient, slow, not intelligent, naive, gullible, susceptible, not in the know, manipulated, a victim, an average person of mediocre accomplishments.

The narcissist is likely to react with rage to all these and, in an effort to re-establish his fantastic grandiosity, he is likely to expose facts and stratagems he had no conscious intention of exposing. The narcissist reacts indignantly, with wrath, hatred, aggression, or even overt violence to any infringement of what he perceives to be his natural entitlement.

This doesn't get us any closer to recovery, though.

Keep calm and keep writing.

Top Ten buckets of cold water

It’s as right as it is wrong, and you’re headed straight for it.  The Guardians of Integrity and Knights of Respect have been incinerated by the heat you two are throwing off.  The cold voice of Logic tells you—for what you know will be the last time—Shut. It. Down.  You need a lightning bolt that will hard halt your bodies, minds and souls for the split second you need to derail this train.  Nothing is impossible. Here is your arsenal. It's not personal. It's just cold, and will likely evolve until it reaches a temperature of Absolute Zero.

10   I’m pregnant.

9     I’m fertile.

8     Jesus is coming.

7     The Bat Signal!

6     Superbowl kickoff in ten seconds!

5     You kiss better than your dad.

4     Did you bring a gun?

3     You kiss better than your wife.

2     It takes a credit card to ride this train.

And the number one, biggest bucket of cold water…

1     Your wife’s check hasn’t cleared.

Maybe in a moment

You left so many months ago

That fear of love was not a show

Our monsters did their very best

We put our love through every test

We tried so hard to turn away

But our love’s as strong as that first day

Maybe in a moment

You’ll take a step toward me

Maybe in a moment

You’ll start to leave Kentucky

Until that moment

You know that I believe in you

Before you left you never lied

You need your brother by your side

He is your partner in this life

The one that scarred you was your wife

That life was full of love and trust

She ground your heart into the dust

She broke your will to live and love

But not the will of God above

Maybe in a moment

You’ll take a step toward me

Maybe in a moment

You’ll start to look for signs of me

Until that moment

Remember I believe in you

This life is hard and it is real

And it can’t change the way you feel

You are a man who’s born to love

With all the power of the sun

No matter what you say or do

I do believe I know what’s true

I saw the colors of your heart

The last time time pulled us apart

Maybe in a moment

You’ll take a step toward me

Maybe in a moment

That woman standing there is me

And in that moment

We’ll know that you and I are true

Attitude of Gratitude (12-Pack Guarantee)

There’s a few sayings that inspired this song.  “The pen is mightier than the sword.” “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”  “God, don’t grant me luck, grant me timing.” Well, those and many more like them are all true, no doubt.  Maybe there’s a slogan that sums it up best.  That’s why I call this number,

Attitude of Gratitude (or 12-pack Guarantee)

I know and love his heart and his integrity

My time with him I took the bitter with the sweet

I love his heart, his soul his life

And I pity his new wife

She’s a walkin’ talkin’ 12-pack guarantee

He’s a good man like my daddy showed could be

When he wants to be the man he wants to be

He chose Bud Light over me

That’s when I refused to be

His walkin’ talkin’ 12 pack guarantee

Now I’m not being mean, that woman surely knows

From her tipsy frosted head down to her toes

It’s her job at Dairy Queen                 |She pays the trailer rent and light

That fills his Jeep with gasoline          |Where the neighbors reb all night

Her job’s a walkin’ talkin’ 12-pack guarantee

His Gifts of Venus can make any woman gasp

But barley brews keep it lowered to half mast

On the night they’re newly wed       |She’ll need more than a broom

She’ll need the bunny in her bed     |To get the groom outta his own room

She’s just his walkin’ talkin’ 12-pack guarantee

[Slowly, with great feeling, like a hymn or gospel song…]

Now we’ve both said all there is to be said

To our waters we have both been surely led

He married beer and bread and board

Now it’s half his says the law and Lord

He’s got his walkin’ talkin’ 12-pack guarantee

I may have gone from debutante to double wide

That never hurt my love for me, just my pride

I miss the good man at my side

So strong and safe, he was my guide

But I’m no walkin’ talkin’ 12-pack guarantee

She’s his walkin’ talkin’ ice cream hawkin’ bet my talkin’s set her sister squakin’

Better her than me…She’s his walkin’ talkin’ 12 pack guarantee